If you’ve ever wondered what happens when you mix a tortoise with a mischievous sense of humor and a bulldozer’s attitude, let me introduce you to Evil, the resident comedian of American Tortoise Rescue. Evil is a Russian tortoise (Testudo horsfieldii), and he is proof that “small” does not mean “subtle.”

The Life of a Sanctuary Legend

Evil’s antics are legendary. He’s always on the move, chasing staff members with his mouth wide open. My pants have become his favorite target for a good ol’ nibble! Whether it’s other tortoises or humans, nobody is safe from Evil’s brand of chaos. And then there are the noises—when Evil gets excited, he lets out a honk so loud you’d think a car was backing up.

The Science of the Survivor

Behind the shenanigans, Evil represents the incredible resilience of his species. Russian tortoises are perfectly adapted to some of the harshest, most arid environments on Earth.

• The Master Excavators: In the wild, they dig tunnels up to six feet long to escape extreme heat and cold. This is why, if you keep a Russian tortoise outdoors, your fencing must be buried at least 6–12 inches deep. If they can’t go through it, they will go under it.
• The “Nine-Month” Sleep: These tortoises are hardy survivors. In their native habitats, they may brumate (hibernate) for up to nine months a year. In captivity, we have to respect this biological clock.
• The Myth of the “Friend”: People often think Evil needs a companion. He doesn’t. Russian tortoises are solitary. Adding another tortoise usually leads to the kind of “harassment” Evil is famous for—ramming, biting, and stress.